I Like Big Butts And Other Myths Surrounding One Man’s Fondness For Black Women

I really do hate when I have to go here. Putting any relationship talk through a race-based prism is always the exact opposite message I attempt to convey on this blog. There is a reason I don’t use race to describe any of the women I date, and that’s largely because I don’t want anyone to think my problems, my issues, my checkered history with women from my past has anything to do with the race of women I date. In other words, I never want to give someone the opportunity to tell me something like, “Well, maybe if you dated more than just black women, you wouldn’t have the problems you had.”

There is something I find disturbing in the reactions I get when I say I only date black women. People jump to these conclusions based on their own preconceived notions, and no sooner do I make my declaration do I have to defend it. Maybe it’s because I’m mixed and people are confused why someone of mixed race would inherently choose one. As Jermaine told me over the weekend, “People only ask you why you only date black women because of the way you look.” Or maybe it’s because in America, the standard of beauty for most men is almost never a black woman, except if her name is Halle Berry or Beyonce. Whatever it is, every now and then I get fed up with the questions and even more fed up with the assumptions about the type I prefer to date. So here it is folks, my little attempt to debunk the myths about men like me who prefer to date black women, STARTING WITH THE ONE I STATE IN THE TITLE.

MYTH: YOU LIKE BIG BUTTS AND/OR THICK WOMEN

TRUTH: Okay, this is true, I do have a fondness for something on a woman’s body I can grab onto but to suggest dating black women means you have no choice but to like these other physical characteristics couldn’t be more off-base. Black women, for those who have not seen enough of them, come in all shapes and sizes just like other women of other races. I know it’s crazy to believe, outsiders, but there are indeed black women who don’t have what we in the community call a “fatty”. And guess what? I’ve dated some of those women. I once dated a woman who was a size 2. TWO! ONE! TWO! That’s it!

MYTH: YOU DON’T FIND WOMEN OF OTHER RACES ATTRACTIVE

TRUTH: The first girl whose phone number I ever asked for was Asian. The first girl I ever kissed was white. Here’s a fact: If a man of any race said he only liked to date white women, he’d probably get tagged as a racist. When I say I prefer to date black women, I get tagged as some sort of militant. It’s all so silly. As I like to say, my bed will never judge one on the color of their skin. I have a preference for a certain type of woman, not a promise to them, just because I choose chocolate does not mean I’ll pass up on the Skittles.

MYTH: BLACK WOMEN ARE THE ONLY WOMEN WHO WILL DATE YOU

TRUTH: I have been rejected by more black women than I dated, as a matter of fact, the first girl I ever liked was a black girl who told me she didn’t like me. So already my dating history was off to a losing start. Every now and then some black woman will tell me how much she despises me and accuse other black women of dating me to quit dating me because I don’t deserve their love. Well, sisters who say such things, i have news for you. A lot of black women are already in on that trend. Black women have not been dating me for years!

MYTH: THERE ARE MORE SINGLE BLACK WOMEN THUS MAKING THEM MORE AVAILABLE TO DATE

TRUTH: There may be a lot of single black women in the world, but guess what there aren’t a lot of in this world? Single black women who are fine. And here is where some woman in the comments will say, “I’m fine and I’m single.” Well, to that I say, go to the Contact tab on this blog and email me your phone number. I promise you, you won’t be single for long.

MYTH: YOU’RE BLACK, SO YOU WOULD LIKE BLACK WOMEN

TRUTH: I honestly believe if I was a white man I would like black women. Some would even say I am a white man who likes black women because of my very, very light skin, but I digress (and that’s a joke). The fact of the matter is, I don’t feel any obligation to like a particular type of women based on my own ethnicity. Some people suggest the reason why some black men like black women is because they see in black women a reflection of their mothers, a lightweight form of the Oedipus complex, but I don’t know if that holds much weight either. My mom is Puerto Rican and Japanese, I’m not searching for any 2.0 versions of her. Maybe this puts me in the minority, but then again, I am a minority so it’s my natural place!

MYTH: YOU’RE CLOSE MINDED AND DON’T DATE DIFFERENT TYPES OF WOMEN

TRUTH: This is without a doubt, the biggest myth of them all. The thing I find most distrubing when people say this to me is what it suggests, which is that black women are monolithic, as if to date one is to date them all. Take it from me, a man who has dated all types of women over the years. Black women are as varied in physical traits as they are in mental and emotional traits. They look different. They sound different. They talk different. They feel different. They love different and not from other races of women but from each other. I have dated all types of women simply because I have dated all types of women. I’ve never had an easier time dating one black woman just because I dated other black women before her. Black women, like all women, are as vast and diverse as any other group of women. This is partly why I never really use race-based descriptors when talking about my experiences, because I so badly want people to see nothing I’m dealing with comes from a woman being black, it comes from her being who she is as an individual, as a person. I think even if she was white or Asian or Latina, a lot of the issues I’ve dealt with in relationships would still come up. I haven’t had black woman problems, I’ve had woman problems and I’m pretty sure any man who has dated any woman knows exactly what I’m talking about.